Author Archives: McGehee

Bad Pun Memes, 1

Advertisement

Black Friday at the Mall

With apologies to The Cure and music lovers everywhere.

Target’s all out of TVs
Best Buy has just two or three
Walmart will be the death of me
Black Friday at the mall

I must be out of my mind
The parking lot was a bad sign
Hours in the gift-wrap line
Black Friday at the mall

Yesterday was great
Nothing to do but vegetate
Now I must confront my fate

Home Depot a socket set
For Uncle Johnny don’t forget
Dig myself deeper in debt
Black Friday at the mall

Barnes and Noble’s shelves are bare
Bed Bath & Beyond, I swear
Just sell me something, I don’t care
Black Friday at the mall

Shopping’s what I hate
Cyber Monday comes too late
So I hurry up and wait

[bridge]

I must be out of my mind
The parking lot was a bad sign
Hours in the gift-wrap line
Black Friday at the mall

Yesterday was great
Nothing to do but vegetate
Now I must confront my fate

Lyric originally written three years ago.

“Happy Turkey Day!”

If you’re like me, you’ve rolled your eyes every time you heard a TV Talking Emptyhead refer to the fourth Thursday in November as “Turkey Day.”

It appears, though, that this year, thanks to hyper-Bidenflation and food shortages, that hasn’t been happening quite as much as in past years. In a way that’s a relief, but in other ways, not so much: “Happy Spam Day!“

The prospects are growing that a large number of struggling families in Manteca, Lathrop, and Ripon may celebrate Thanksgiving this year with a dinner of Spam, macaroni and cheese, and Jell-O.

With 30 days left to Thanksgiving, the 17th annual Turkeys R Us Drive has just $1,470 or enough to purchase 73 turkeys. Food closets serving the three communities need 3,200 turkeys for the main course for Thanksgiving and Christmas for 1,600 families. The effort needs either 1,527 more turkeys or more than $30,000 in cash to purchase just turkeys for Thanksgiving at $20 a pop.

Those 73 turkeys might not even make it to food closets.

But it could be worse: “Happy Bug Day!“

Many scientists that believe we have a few days to save the planet from destruction are now trying to convince people that eating bugs is a good choice to save the planet. They say if we stop eating the meat from cows, pigs, and chickens, which are big pollutants, it will help the environment become better.

For a long time they advised people to stop eating meat altogether, but the idea was not popular, now they promote eating bugs as a more environmentally friendly choice. They claim bugs as a source of protein to take the place of the meat that we are used to now. Scientists mow say we can eat mealworms, crickets, cockroaches, and locusts. They claim that bugs are a good and healthy choice and they will also help us to sustain the environment and not destroy it. Already we can see this propaganda on videos from the World Economic Forum.

Hollywood celebrities are promoting eating bugs and famous chefs are showing how to cook these bugs.

Much, much worse: “Happy Long Pork Day!“

Since cannibalism is found throughout the animal kingdom and therefore is something natural, perhaps it is time for humans to rethink the “ultimate taboo” against eating human flesh, Newsweek proposes in an article Wednesday.

There is nothing necessarily unethical or unreasonable about eating human flesh, declare psychologists Jared Piazza and Neil McLatchie of Lancaster University, but careful reasoning over the merits of cannibalism is often “overridden by our feelings of repulsion and disgust.”

They can have it — if they really want it. As for me, today I’m having…. turkey.

(Although, maybe if I can’t celebrate Easter by dining on ham, I can have fried rabbit, or maybe hasenpfeffer. “Happy Bunny Day!”)